


Games Lost and Found

by Phenomawhat



Series: The Sexy Get Along T-Shirt [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: (More like Frenamies to lovers), Angst and Humor, Banter, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Rare pair hell made me write this, Sexual Humor, Sharing a Body, Threesome - M/M/M, and the associated awkwardness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 21:43:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13889724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phenomawhat/pseuds/Phenomawhat
Summary: Set during the Team Greedling Camping Interlude in which, you guessed it, a hookup takes place.  The answer for 20 points is what happens when A) this only involves an ambiguous 2/3rds of the given parties, B) all of them are characteristically bad at sharing, and C) where for most of the time, there are all sorts of feelings but nobody wants to admit that they’re there.





	1. The Night of

So there were a few things that kept Ed a little on the crazy side these days. One, that he was stuck with a couple of chimeras and a dick homunculus. Sometimes he looked back on those circumstances and had to numbly wonder how he got into it. It was fine though. Two, their rag tag gang had set up shop in the middle of nowhere, where they frequently were. Not so bad was that they had found a country house this time that had been abandoned.

Three, however, was the abject lack of heat in said house. He was starting to realize that maybe he had an unfounded bias for having a real roof, because it was actually better when they could build a fire and not worry about said roof going up in flames. Not the case, he mourned, in their current setup. It had him awake enough for him to figure he had to go to the bathroom, and thus had him wandering down the very dark hallway coming back.

This seemed fairly straightforward as he was reentering his room, that is, until he hit a bed that shouldn’t have been in there. This made him stop, open his eyes (he commended himself on the good idea, although it was nearly dark enough that it didn’t matter), and blearily try to make out by moonlight the state of affairs.

It was four posters. He realized that about bed he’d hit. Specifically, this was the bed that Greed had taken because of course he took the four poster bed.

In the time it took him to open his eyes, realize his mistake and cringe at himself, lone behold, the figure in the bed was flipping over. Ed sucked air.

As Ed’s eyes adjusted, he was just able to make out the profile of a nest of black hair. It moved to reveal a pair reflective violet eyes, bleary, yet aware and looking right back at him. Something small inside Ed piped up and said, hey, if he squinted and ignored the danger signal in his stomach that was basically Ling right?

But then the hackles on Ed’s arms raised as the homunculus had to go and speak up. Softly, he said, “What the hell’re you doing in here?”

This gave Ed a slight pause, as this wasn’t the needling that Greed was so fond of. Maybe due to sleepiness?

“Got lost!” Ed trilled back, already turning for the door, “I was juust leaving,”

“Oh yeah? Little lost lamb, are you.” Greed mumbled.

“Hey watch it, I can go wherever I want thanks,” Ed snapped back, possibly just automatically.

Greed chuckled. “Hmm, oh can you? Then why don’t you just stay here?”

This effectively iced Ed’s movement towards the door. He turned around, taken aback. Where Ling had been mildly flirtatious, it seemed as though Greed was dripping with something else entirely. He felt spooked by this, but also not? Greed was an asshole, but the way he was propped up the bed – as Ed’s eyes had adjusted, he saw the way in which Greed was lounging at him under the blanket. He looked, well, pretty perfect.

Although at that moment in time, Ed’s indignation was front and centre. There was steam coming from his ears, probably. This was a matter not helped by the amused way that Greed was looking at him. Ed felt eyes running up and down his body like he was a piece of meat. He felt shook.

But to his own surprise, he was considering his options? This thought was quickly overtaken by horror about his consideration. But then for another reason he was also reconsidering the meta cognition. He quickly dashed that one as well, but then found that the subsequent flip flopping thoughts were piling up faster than he could handle them. The layers deepened past his articulation until something else finally tripped in his mind (probably the last ditch effort of his sanity), and all the thoughts were dumped and replaced with static.

Then he just felt dumb standing in place.

Meanwhile Greed had rolled onto his back. “Well, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m sure you’ve noticed how cold it is in this house.” He was supine at this point, and looking right back at Ed. Ed swore he saw a tongue ghost the inside of his lips along with a small clench of his jaw. Along with the tiny half smile on his face, Ed could say for certain that those eyes were positively _filthy._

A completely different error tripped in Ed’s head. He suddenly felt the inspiration of a thousand excuses running through his mind, and he noticed, oh did he notice, that it was suddenly, actually, really cold.

With feeling, he barked back, “Yeah well what do we expect squatting in a house with no heat?” Then he was shuffling over. Greed was tracking his movement.

He reached the side of the bed, (feeling as though that was a journey in itself). Cautiously, he slung a leg up the side and grabbed some covers. He slid under, pausing when he reached what was likely an indent in the old mattress from the people who used to live there. Greed’s eyes were as luminous as ever looking over at him. Ed briefly wondered if he was about to get eaten, maybe. Was this what a rabbit felt like before it was taken out by a cougar?

Languidly, Greed shifted over. “It’s no use if there’s no body heat,” he said, voice scratchy with probably sleep? No. Greed was looking down and there was a far away smile on his face. With that, he grabbed Ed and pulled him closer.

Aaaand he was naked. Ed feels the spook in his system go up by 50% and he squirmed. “Were you trying to be cold?!” He retorted. It was supposed to be exasperated, but it came out a little high pitched, sorta half assed. Ed felt mad, but the fluster was coming on something bad in him.

“Do I feel cold to you?” Greed replied. Sure enough he was not. Definitely not, to the extent that Ed was feeling as though he had bitten off maybe more than he could chew. Icarus flashed through his mind, except the metaphor was flawed from the start because he was not laying beside the sun. Greed had nothing to do with the sun whatsoever.

Greed held him a little closer, hooking his leg around Ed’s flesh leg. His eyes were somewhat downcast and he appeared to be deliberately keeping his crotch off. He was being gentle. Being tender? Ed had to recite that thought in his head again to get it right, because it didn’t seem all that accurate. He also had to pause and reconsider what exactly he had been expecting. He did so tensely.

This, Greed appeared to notice. “Do you want another massage?” He asked. And double take. That wasn’t Greed. That Ling! Ed was shook again. That is, until Ling shifted upward, which emphatically repositioned his body, and yes that was a boner poking into his leg now, very much so. “With my dick?” Ling finished.

Ed paused. The emphasis on that last thing was really saying Greed to him. Confusion took him along with an undignified noise, and his spook went up 25%.

“Haha,” Greed said, “Ignore that last thing if you want. You’re tense.” And so Ling was back. Ed eyed him carefully, noting how Ling was basically propping himself up on Ed. His dick made somewhat of a tricycle formation with his arms, and that would have been a somewhat funny mental image, but man was that a penis. Ling then shifted so that it wasn’t trying to dig in, moving up. Ed couldn’t help but catch the way that his jaw clenched with the friction of doing so.

Not to mention, Ed wasn’t going to lie, his hard on had been pretty sustained since Greed, or Ling (or whatever) had given him that look on the bed. He was toast and he knew it.

His breathing was getting heavier. Ling was like, two centimetres from his face and hovering. Ed was recalibrating the distance when suddenly it became no centimetres. His breath hitched. There was a tongue in his mouth now. Ling had gone for the kill and Ed’s head was spinning.

It took about 0.05 of a second for the alarm bell in his head to fade to a steady buzz. Holy crap. Ling’s lips were doing all the work. Very nakedly, he hitched his leg fully onto Ed’s hips. His arm reached over to cradle the back of Ed’s head. He pressed the entirety of his body into the other teen. It was electric and so, so, close.

Ed felt a little bit like a flopping fish, but this certainly wasn’t how fishing worked because he felt like he was simultaneously relaxing and also emphatically not relaxing. He grabbed the small of Ling’s back, if not just to stabilize himself.

This was where Ling paused to prop up, breath in, gaze at him. Ed felt his own breath catch in his throat. He was beyond flush and flustered, but most of all in that moment just really wanted Ling to continue doing what he was just doing.

This time Ed grabbed the back of Ling’s head. He deepened the kiss himself, feeing a small shiver in his partner at that. It felt as though the life was being breathed back into him, and that Ling was making sure this was the case via thorough exploration with his tongue.

Upon coming up for air, unfairness was the primary thought in Ed’s brain. This was directed at his own state of dress. Needless to say, this was not something that he needed to articulate to Ling – as he was very much one step ahead of him and already shimming up while simultaneously pushing down Ed’s trousers. He got a dick slapped onto his stomach for his trouble, which he emphatically Did Not Mind.

By this point Ed is positively writhing on the mattress. His pants were at his ankles and was artfully trying (and probably failing) to get them off without breaking stride. It was annoying, but Ling was keeping morale up by wasting no time slipping his loose undershirt over Ed’s head. Both garments came loose in their due course, all the while Ed and Ling’s lips remain locked, to their credit.

The feeling when Ling again descended on his naked skin was pretty freaking amazing. He didn’t realize just how sensitive his chest had become, and how the sole purpose of all of his skin had converted just now to seeking heat and contact. That being said, not wanting to be left out of the action, he hooked his automail leg around Ling’s just for safe keeping.

He arced his back upwards to be closer while Ling did obscene things to his mouth. That is: the exquisite way his lips and teeth worked together, soft but also sharp at exciting intervals. He had a rhythm in his mouth that reverberated all the way down to the way his body moved along Ed’s.

This was punctuated by a low growl when Ling reached down to grab Ed’s dick, as combined with the much less dignified gasp from Ed. It got out of hand quickly when Ling rubbed it against his own (i.e., when things got In Hand), and suddenly Ed couldn’t restrain himself from getting a hand down there as well.

He felt his way around Ling’s dick, his hands ghosted and explored, which Ling appeared to enjoy judging by the shiver this caused. He felt a jolt of electricity with the renewed pressure of it against his own. His pelvis bucked, and with that the scales seemed to tip and he was rolling Ling on his back.  Again, Ling was On Board.

Ed took his time on top graciously, and used it to somehow get closer. Very much on their own, his hips were grinding against Ling as well. This had been causing quite a bit of pressure to build up. He was starting to feel hazy with the pleasure. Sometime between then and when Ling arced his back up to meet him again, he felt release. His breath hitched something fierce.

He let out a long groan, and that seemed to incite the same reaction in Ling. Ed managed to open his eyes to look down at the other teen, and man, he looked utterly, utterly wrecked. His hair was a mess and coming out randomly from his pony tail, his eyes were squeezed tightly shut, cheeks flushed to holy hell. Ling’s release came with a tight clench of his jaw, and a full body shiver vibrating against Ed which was pretty much the best thing ever.

Then they both fell into a puddle. Ed’s spook had been reduced to about -25% by the series of events, and the rest of his relevant stats were in the negatives as well. Ed felt as though he himself was a negative. Also, that Ling was a pillow.

Albeit, a bony one. Post orgasmic bliss only bought him about five seconds of ignoring Ling’s shoulder. He shifted upwards and sank into the pillow instead. Ling’s limbs followed him up like an octopus and latched on. Ed adamantly Did Not Mind.

Sleep followed sometime afterwards.

\---

They wake up in the morning. It took Ed a second, however, before he actually realized that he had Woken Up in the Morning and guess who was still attached to him. He sucked in air. He hoped to Whatever that either Lion King and Donkey Kong were enjoying the morning sleeping in or had discovered the virtues of patience in letting them set their own pace of when to start in the morning, and weren’t about to barge in on them.

But no, his head wasn’t fooled by his naïve optimism. It was suddenly showing him the highlight reel of what would happen given the last thing; it spared no mental expense with its cacophony of screaming and throwing stuff. Ed's mind was a vortex of anxiety, and he was in the middle of it pathetically trying to hold a blanket over his chest like a towel. This was the impetus behind Ed’s tug of his own limbs from Ling’s grip.

In return Ling coiled some more and grunted, “You’re mine,” which made Ed’s heart do a little flip because that was pretty sweet, but at the same time it was very much not sweet because he was refusing to let go.

“Come on… Ling?” Ed tried. That last part again seemed quite characteristic of Greed so he was at a bit of a loss. But also, the homunculus was being really nice, so he genuinely doubted that the dick was at the controls. Because Greed was a dick.

For most of the time, anyway. So what even? Ed gave another tug, and tried this time to pry Ling’s fingers off one at a time. One came free, then another, but then the ultimate shield suddenly activated and silently threatened to break skin to keep hold, so he got no further. He groaned in frustration.

Ling stirred, looking at him blearily. Then a smile crept across his face, and he said: “Well good morning to you too,” and there was just enough cockiness in his tone that Ed’s vain hope that Greed was somehow gone was effectively dashed. Yeah, he realized, he had just done That.

Greed popped his lips together and detached to stretch his arms above his head – during which Ed took the opportunity to scurry away and start throwing his clothes on. “Whoo wee,” Greed said. “That, uh…”

Greed had faltered. This made Ed look up from his mortification for a second. Did his ears deceive him that Greed didn’t go for the taunt? He hadn’t gone for any of the obvious targets, no demeaning, no nothing. Ed got real cautious as he pulled the remainder of his pants up.

“What is it.” Ed barked

Greed’s hands behind his head looked a lot more awkward. This in itself was incredibly strange, but combined with the weird little smile on his face he looked downright flustered. It was just a tiny one, perking up the corner of his lips and looking far away.

Things were not completely coherent in Greed town, Ed could smell that much. Greed kind of made it look like he was together, but also, just no. At the same time though, he didn’t look terribly tormented about it. There was an easiness to him that wasn’t present before. Ed felt for a second that he should credit himself for that, but realistically, well, no.

“Is that you, Ling?” Ed tried.

“Hey,” Greed barked back, “I’m not giving any credit to that little brat. If its him that you want, you’re in for pretty much what I’ve been telling you this whole time.” Greed finished with a huff. Then a pause, though, in which he sucked in some extra air. “That being said, I can’t help but… maybe... erm,”

Ed continued his confused stare.

“Realistically, this is because I’m a giant idiot” Greed continued. Ed chuckled and corrected himself, that was definitely Ling. This was followed by Greed quickly confirming his suspicions by vigorously scowling down at himself.

The nasty expression stayed on his face, but then after a moment he dropped it and sighed. He rolled off the bed, cultivated swagger back in full swing, and quipped, “You know what, it really doesn’t matter. You got me and that’s it.”

Then Greed bent over to scuttle after his pants, and Ed was left with the dubious task of interpreting what exactly was meant by that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My philosophy is porn now plot later. So I've got stuff for you if this is your jam, but also, life isn't all about dicks touching! It's the fun part, but it isn't the main point.
> 
> Lastly, I'm going to update this weekly or so, but maybe slightly sooner for the next chapter if I get impatient (or realistically, if anybody asks for it in the comments). That being said, everything's already done so this is going to be a nice smooth ride.


	2. Dirty Laundry

Ed was touchy for the remainder of the morning and well into the afternoon. Typically the application of this modifier was fairly redundant given his overall disposition, however that was not the case this time, he was indeed _touchy._ This entailed a cycle of paralyzing embarrassment and unprovoked yelling that made for a very loud christening of their new campsite.

More, was that then Greed got it into his head that it was good fun to poke him to figure out which one would happen. He sat across from Ed on one of the three logs their campsites typically had arranged around a fire-pit. The latter teen was (trying to be) very absorbed in his rabbit skinning.

The former made a point of lounging while he skinned his own rabbit. He used long dramatic knife strokes, with a little flick of his wrist after each one. He stared at Ed the whole time, trying to catch his attention.

Ed would not budge.

So Greed made his movements larger. He put exaggerated effort into each of the peeling cuts he made, along with little noises. His brows were pursed with effort, mouth slightly open. He was on a rhythm of two short cuts and one longer, more accentuated cut, each with a damn noise attached, on repeat – and somehow Ed figured, he was channeling it directly into his ears.

The hair on the back of his arms stood up. Then Ed’s head finally shot up. “WILL YOU QUIT THAT!” He shouted.

Greed looked pleased. He did stop, however, moving back into a lazy slouch. “Something bothering you?” he purred.

Ed’s forehead pulsed, and he got the fuck up, grousing: “What the hell do you—“ he stopped, just has he was straightening up. Greed, being faster, had already moved up nice and close to loom over Ed.

And he was looking down, eyes twinkling. “What?” he said, smirking.

Ed’s face had frozen into an angry snarl. But his head had gone completely blank. Greed was doing that _thing_ he could do with his eyes, and Ed couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

Greed, meanwhile, was enjoying himself immensely. Internally, he ticked off another checkbox in his head for the win. It was a good day when he could get laid _and_ get in some good old fashioned tormenting for funsies.

But then: _It’s a bit much, if you ask me._ Came the voice of the prince.

Greed felt his shoulders droop. Goodness was now axed. _I’d hoped you were assimilated by now._ Greed drawled back.

In his head, Ling winked. _You can’t get rid of me that easily._

Greed sighed. Out loud, he realized, which brought Ed back to awareness somewhat. _Hmm, well, back to the grind then._ Greed continued. _What the hell do you want?_

_Oh me?_

Greed didn’t gratify that with a response. He noticed instead that Ed was giving him a peculiar expression. Greed wasn’t exactly relaxing in his efforts of keeping his face under control, but something told him that he could stand to dump some more resources into it.

 _I just want you to mind your own business,_ Ling finally replied.

 _Interesting._ _Define my business,_ Greed shot back. _We’re basically the same person so what does it matter?_

“Hey, uh,” Came Ed’s voice. Greed hazily redirected his attention back. “So I’m just going to go over there now.”

In response, Greed grabbed him by the shirt collar. “Did I say you could leave?” he hissed. _This thing, right?_ Greed motioned to Ling. He was pleased with himself having caught the struggling alchemist, and both Ed and Ling looked distressed for it.

“Hey, what the hell!” Ed said, tugging at his arm.

 _So dramatic,_ Ling pouted. _But you got it in one._

_He’s short enough to pick up, what do you expect?_

Ling chuckled. _You’re bold._

Ed struggled some more. For a second, Greed half expected him to barge in to defend himself. But he didn’t, of course, because that didn’t make any sense.

 _Well no dice! This one’s mine, just like the rest of your stuff._ Greed exclaimed.

Ling clicked his tongue. _I’d assumed that you would say that. So yeah, sure. I just hope you know what that means._

Greed glared for a second. Then, having made his point, he released Ed. The teen scuttled back, giving him a nervous look. “What is with you?” he grumbled.

Greed smiled back at him charmingly, “Just you, short-stuff,”

That successfully got steam coming out of Ed’s ears, and he marched back forward. Greed raised his hands in surrender and lightly laughed back. “Don’t worry about it,” he said, ruffling Ed on the shoulder. This stopped his advance.

Ling looked amused. _Just needed to get that out of your system?_

Greed shrugged internally. _It feels weird when he doesn’t get to yell about it._

Then his hand went and paused on Ed’s shoulder. Suddenly both he and Ed were looking down at it. Inside Greed, Ling smirked. His hand reached up to lightly brush Ed’s chin.

This got Ed going again, his eyes bugged. Way too intimate. Greed tried to backpedal, this really wasn’t what he was going for, and he knew just how delicate of a dance… and damn. Something shifted, then. Ed’s expression changed, it went blank and Greed could tell that he freaking knew that hand had been Ling’s.

Greed drooped. There it was, just what he was trying to avoid.

 _And what’s that! Genuine human connection?_ Ling jeered.

 _This pile of bullshit, that’s what!_ Greed barked back. _Am I the only the one who just enjoys sex around here, and doesn’t have to get like… like this!_

Because yeah, Ed was frozen again, but for a completely different reason. He was desperately scanning Greed’s face again. Y’know, being annoying as hell.

 _Hmm, yeah,_ Ling said, clicking his tongue. _Well if you want, we could go another round._

That gave Greed pause. Between Ed’s sorrowful searching and Ling’s now shit-eating grin, he didn’t really have a ready response for that.

 _It’s all me though, and you know it._ Ling continued. _But go ahead, ride that wave. I’ll just consume your soul._

Greed gritted his teeth. _Hm._

With that, Ling said no more. He drifted to the back of their mind, satisfied. Greed felt him go back into his usual coiled position. Typically Greed was happy when he decided to shut the fuck up, but his enjoyment was suppressed in this instance.

“Alright kid,” he said to Ed. “Show’s over.”

Ed continued his searching stare for a few more seconds. He stopped when disappointment took hold.

\---

The skies opened up shortly thereafter, for a great curse had been lifted. The cycle of loud melodrama that had plagued the camp for the most of that day was miraculously solved. No longer was Edward Elric helplessly oscillating between two reactions, it was down to one now. Intermittent soulful staring.

It was so much worse.

He himself knew it was mostly pointless. He only had time to do it because Greed had given up on trying to bother him for some reason. Trying to figure out why was likely more important, however Ed couldn’t get past the knot that was laying at the base of his chest.

In any situation, it seemed that his next move was inevitably going to be either some more general yelling at Greed, yelling at him specifically to let Ling out, and damn it to hell, the last one: maybe kissing him or something? Those lips were something else.

That wasn’t all though, his layers of angst were more confounded than that. Because beneath that thought was the fact that those lips belonged to Ling first. That was Ling’s body. More, was that in many ways, that may still be Ling proper.

And if that wasn’t a pile of angst he didn’t know how to deal with. Was there something there? The present situation had a very obvious barrier to the scientific study of any of this that he wasn’t easily getting past.

There was a time back in central, however—just around before he’d gotten kidnapped to Xerxes—when Ling had the habit of randomly breaking into their hotel room. There would be no warning, no nothing, and sometimes even no body guards. Simply, it was sometimes the case that Ling was just _there._

One night in particular was an example of this. After a long day, Ed came back to his hotel room to find this particular surprise splayed out for him on the couch, sleeping. The shape had initially been alarming, and he’d jumped back. But it only took him a couple of seconds to acclimatize to the fact that _yeah, this was happening._

By that point he’d honestly just given up on booting the prince every time that it happened. And it was normally no big deal.

So he made a point of being loud as he dropped his bag on the ground and stalked off to the bedroom. He didn’t bother waiting around for Ling to wake up. At that point in time, he felt fairly single minded in the pursuit of his own sleep.

His face was his pillow by the time Ling snaked into the doorway. Ed heard him chuckle and say, “My, you’re a sleepy one.”

Annoyed, Ed flipped his head to look at the other teen. He grumble-retorted: “And you’re breaking and entering.”

“Goodness me,” Ling said, coming closer, “I thought we were past that.”

Ed sighed back.

Ling put a finger to his lips, “Hm, you’re tense too. Maybe I can help with that.”

“You mean n’stead of just crashing here and running up the room service bill?”

“Yes, excellent,” Ling trilled. “This sounds like an excellent means to forgive all of that.”

Ed snorted. “I’ll pass,” he said.

Ling squeaked. “No, no, no. That won’t do at all. I’ll have you know that this is an ancient Xingese technique. You don’t just pass up on that!” He insisted.

Ed gave Ling a pointedly skeptical look. “All of your weird ass crap is ancient,” he pointed out. “ _And_ strangely hands on.”

To that, Ling pouted. “It’s not my fault I come from an old and noble family.”

Ed kept his skepticism strong. He could smell a half-assed explanation from a mile away.

Ling didn’t budge though. “Come on,” he said, “You don’t even really need to move for this one.” He was already advancing on the bed. Ed was starting to get the feeling that this was about as inevitable as all of the breaking and entering.

Not to mention the whole thing really did bring out the tenseness that Ling mentioned earlier. Ed was going to have to have a conversation with him later about cause and effect.

Ling had a hopeful expression on his face. Ed watched him through narrowed eyes, until finally he conceded and said, “Fine,” adding on: “Just don’t expect me to get naked.”

“Silly, backrubs don’t work that way.” Ling chided, “And anybody who tells you that is being quite obvious that they’re more interested in getting into your pants.” He continued. Then he hitched a leg on the bed and swung himself on top of Ed’s back.

Ed paused. It took him a second to register what had just happened. Because yeah, _Ling was on top of him._ He mentally screamed. Then, the hell with it, physically too he shrieked: “The fuck are you doing?!”

Ling shushed him again. “Be calm, it’s all a part of the technique.”

“The hell I’m gonna be ca—“ Aaand that’s when Ling put his elbow in just the right spot. Ed pretty much immediately melted into a puddle.

He groaned, and Ling kept it up.

They continued like that for about 5 minutes maybe? It was hard to tell. What this entailed was Ling making himself quite busy on top and Ed feeling some honestly fairly obscene noises coming out of his mouth. He worked his way all along the base of Ed’s spine, in and around his lower back muscles. Along the way he peppered the massage with commentary on various chakras or whatever – Ed didn’t really listen.

Ed was eating his words, and the damnedest part was that he didn’t even mind.

The most interesting part of all of it was that Ling was being incredibly civilized. Ed reflected on that for a moment – he wondered what he was expecting? That was the point where Ed did was he was best at and pushed those thoughts right out of his mind.

He focused instead on the feeling of the massage. Specifically Ling’s massage, Ling on his back, Ling pressing quite a bit of himself into Ed as he gave said massage – and oh hell.

Yeah, Ed had better tap out of this one, he realized. He was getting spooked again at an alarming rate. This also happened to be pretty much the best time ever for him to hear the sound of the door opening. Then, the clanking of Al’s armour.

His blood pressure spiked. He felt Ling on top of him stop. Then heard Al enter the bedroom. Heard Al stop very pointedly.

Al shrieked and dived back into the living room. Ed felt words come out of his mouth, but they were hopelessly garbled – he had the relaxation of his mouth to blame for that. Suffice to say that they were of no help whatsoever.

From the other room, Al shouted: “What the hell brother!?”

Meanwhile Ling, who was freakishly calm, called back, “Whoa, whoa, it’s ok, Alphonse.” He jumped off of Ed’s back and quickly darted out the door to Al. Ed’s brother shrieked once more when he saw Ling but calmed down after a fashion. Probably the result of seeing that Ling was fully dressed, and then after peeking his head back into the bedroom, seeing that the same could be said for Ed.

That didn’t stop the pervasive suspicious look that Al managed to convey through the armor. It settled after a fashion, and he looked at least partially convinced that Ed’s honor wasn’t being compromised and that he wasn’t having the luck required to witness it. And with Al’s settling down, so too did Ed also settle down. Al and Ling probably exchanged a few more words, but Ed didn’t hear them. The last thing he saw was the mixture of Al’s horror turning into a tenuous teasing point, and Ling, smiling.

…

Yeah.

Winry had caught wind of the encounter fairly quickly afterwards from Al – and even though Al couldn’t quite make fun of him while maintaining eye contact, Winry sure could. She had him on the ropes for about a week afterwards. The next time she and Ling were in the same room together it was even funnier.

Although as per usual Ling admitted nothing. Not a hint of impure intention. That was interesting in itself, if not on the infuriating side.

Has that changed? Ed chuckled. He’d had his first time and now he couldn’t even make heads or tails of who it was he did it with.

His eyes focused back to reality, and he finally averted his eyes from Greed (who looked relieved for it). He slumped to put his head into his hands.

There was something at the back of Ed’s throat. Maybe it reached all the way down to his heart, he couldn’t tell. The thought was hilarious, wasn’t it? He’d had an escapade, an honest to god hookup, and all of his friends probably thought he was having a pattern of them. Now he was sitting there in something of a morning after glow, and there was his love interest by popular vote, just sitting across from him.

Right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thanks for the all the kudos guys! It made for a really nice week. If you're keeping track, this chapter is a touch early, one because impatience, two because I should probably be doing school work over the weekend instead of worrying about this thing. 
> 
> I'm super stoked for the next chapter, but again, its good to wait and simmer right? What's silly is that this one took a lot more to iron out whereas the next is just better? Sometimes that shit just happens.
> 
> In any case, your keysmashes mean a lot to me. If you catch feels don't be afraid to tell me about it. I have them too, so many of them.


	3. Things that are Gotten Up To At Camp

In the days following the hookup, a naïve person may have described the atmosphere as tense. That being said, given maybe, hm, five minutes, even the most deluded or hypothetical person couldn’t possibly retain that position. What at first glance was simply tenseness was but a symptom of a pervasive looming awkwardness, and man did it suck. The chimeras in particular really got the short end of the stick.

They had expected that joining the so-called ‘good guys’ would mean saving some cats out of some trees, maybe rescuing some pretty ladies. But now that Greed and Ed could barely even look at each other, what they got was embroiled in some stupid teenage drama.

Because god were they petty.

Even numbers and frugality dictated that they only had two tents, and age groups determined who shared with whom. But then shit had to go and blow over, and guess which two drama queens didn’t want to share with each other anymore because they’d get cooties or something. Yeah.

The first night wasn’t bad. It wasn’t too cold, and Greed being the tougher one (notwithstanding his prissy-ass attitude most of the time) chose to sleep outside. He did so loudly and with flair. Meanwhile Ed got the tent – but his reaction was the most mopey god-forsaken expression Darius had ever seen. He had mumbled, “yeah, sure,” when bed time came knocking. _Mumbled._ Like he was being given second place at the science fair and not the _only other tent._

It was unbelievable.

They had gotten away with dodging each other all through that day, (although just barely considering the actual size of the camp). But irony came for them when it became apparent that this night was going to be a much more cruel mistress.

As night-fall came properly, this was the thing present to mind. The tents were pitched, food was dealt with, the fire was good – all that remained was the standoff in the middle of camp.

True to form, Princess Greed was indeed not having it. “Come on Ed. I go on one side of the tent, you go on the other,” he said, exasperated. They had been at this on and off since it was clear that the weather was turning.

“Can’t you just sleep outside?” Ed muttered in reply. He was glum but also defiant, but that seemed to hiccup as he paused a minute before continuing, lower, “you didn’t seem to have a problem keeping your body temperature up earlier.”

Greed’s eyes flickered at that, but he kept a level tone as he replied: “That was different.” His expression didn’t betray anything else. Instinctively, though, Darius felt that even that was more than he needed to hear.

“In any case,” Greed continued. “If you promise to behave yourself, I promise that I won’t, ah—“ he trailed off, suddenly stopping himself. It was fantastically timed, really. It managed to turn Fullmetal from a sulking mess into a twitching one.

“Well that doesn’t give me a whole lot of confidence!” Ed shrieked back.

Greed’s forehead pulsed, “I’m in the midst of telling you how civilized I’m going to be!”

Darius realized he had made a mistake. He didn’t need to be hearing any of this crap _period_. “Alright kids,” he barked at them. This had the effect of eliciting glares from both. “I’ll put it to you this way, we’ve got two tents…”

“I can freaking count!” Ed yelled back.

Darius raised his hand, “Tut, tut, I wasn’t done,” he said. “There’s two tents for two people each.” He pointed respectively at the seething adolescents and then at himself and Heinkel, who was sitting on a nearby log. “In the interest of our collective sanity, we can’t have the princess here sleeping outside, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

Greed, who had been waiting with baited breath to interject, paused. “Uh, bud? That’s inaccurate.” He drawled. “Last I checked, the royalty I was riding around in was a dude?”

“You heard me.”

Heinkel added, “That sounds about right to me.” With that, they high-fived. Greed looked suitably deflated.

Darius continued on: “And if you two aren’t willing to share, then I guess we’re going to have to switch around the tent assignments.”

Thus the horror had been cast. The teens looked aghast and Darius felt proud of his ability to strike fear into their hearts.

“You wouldn’t,” Ed said. His tone was on the edge of suspicion and dread and his eyes were wide.

As if suddenly remembering, Greed piped up with: “Hey, you can’t do this! I’m in charge here, and you guys work for me!”

“Hmm,” Heinkel said. He and Darius shared a look. Heinkel continued: “Yeah, and we’re also the ones who do the majority of the hunting and packing around here. And we don’t have to be.”

To this, Greed scowled.

Now this was a proper standoff. The chimeras both took a second to marvel at the power they had in their hands. It was great enough, even, to trump the ego of Edward Elric… now that was something.

The same kid huffed. Then he puffed, going a little red. As he did that, Greed stewed in his annoyance. Finally, it was done when Ed screeched: “Alright!”

And so the battle was won.

\--

“This war isn’t over,” Ed muttered, curling up into a ball in his corner of the tent.

“Yeah, yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” Greed retorted sharply.

Ed recoiled. “I’m going to sleep in this tent and I’m going to enjoy it,” he yelled.

“Well that’s fine by me, I’m going to sleep like a fucking baby!”

“Good,” Ed replied. He seemed to temper the explosive edge to that at that last minute. “Good, so good night.”

Greed snorted. “I’ll have a better night than you.”

“Why don’t I help you along with that by strangling you so you don’t have to wake up again!” Ed cried in response.

Greed’s retort was stifled by an object nailing the side of their tent. They both jumped, and Ed scuttled away from the side. From outside they hear (an incredibly justified) yell of: “Will you kids shut the fuck up!” via Heinkel.

Ed sniffled at this. “Whatever,” he muttered. He looked back to realize that he had gotten much closer to Greed than he wanted to be.

Greed, who was smiling, and said: “Yeah, time to do what the nice man says, time for bed time!” He cooed.

This caused immediate fire and brimstone, of course. Ed had it locked and loaded until he took a moment to realize what Greed was doing. Damn it anyway. He suppressed it down with a glare. His memory wasn’t that short, come on.

Ed took the high road. “I’ll show you bed time,” he growled. And with that, he shuffled back to his pillow and flipped over.

Greed waited a second, and then let out the breath he was holding in anticipation. He groans, “Damn kid, you’re boring.”

Ed didn’t dignify that with a response. There was a pause for a few more seconds. Then, finally, Greed came back with: “I assume this means you want me to put out the lamp.”

…

“So I’ll just do that then.”

Grumbling, Greed reached over to the lamp that sat between them. Ed had placed that there strategically. Specifically, he’d said: “If you cross this lamp so help me, I _will_ take your regenerative abilities out for a spin.” Which Greed took as a fairly assertive ‘no,’ so he considered keeping his hands to himself for the evening.

He didn’t flip over in his sleeping bag after turning off the light. Quietly, he moved it up so his view was less impeded.

He zoned out for a bit, looking vaguely at Ed. At some point, he felt Ling uncoil at the base of his chest, subtly, but with a presence like crackling fire. Great. As per usual, he felt like he wanted something. He was giving a very pointed look at Greed.

Greed cut to the chase. _Lay off. Is a crime to look?_

 _Oh I don’t know,_ Ling replied, shrugging his shoulders. _It depends what you’re feeling right there. A little light headed? Are you getting butterflies in your stomach?_

 _Fuck off._ Greed pouted. _Do I look like I give a fuck?_ He bristled back. Looking back to his previous life, it was no small wonder he was less chill now. He could not get a freaking break.

And neither was his face. Ling had upped his game, and was using Greed’s lapse in concentration to stick his tongue out. Greed clamped it back and dumped a whole bunch of energy into suppressing Ling down.

But Ling just laughed. _You’ve got no sense of humor,_ he said. _I bet you had much more fun with your previous friends._

And dammit. Greed faltered. Shit, that gave Ling had control of his left hand. It was now reaching over to Ed, and then tapping lightly on his shoulder.

Ed stiffened up something fierce. He rolled over and fire in his eyes met Greed’s own.

“Yoo hoo,” Greed felt his mouth saying. And fuck that shit, fuck it to hell.

Just like that, Ed’s eyes lit up. “Ling?” He said. It was like somebody had given him _first_ place at the science fair, (probably what the fucking nerd thought he deserved.) The transition was truly something else, and it threw Greed for yet another loop.

Ling was all over that. Just like that the body was his, and the first thing he did with it was sit up and cross his legs. Greed’s knees didn’t like that, but they also felt relieved to be in the position? Strange ass body. He felt his mouth beaming.

Ed was doing the same, that is, until a wave of realization seemed to sweep across his face and his own head ruined the moment for him. His eyes dropped. But still, he crawled closer. Much closer. When he looked up his eyes were round and pained. Damn.

Ling snickered at Greed internally. _He’s doing my work for me. You think I should reward him for that?_

Then Ling really let his imagination go loose. It was like a bomb going off in their head of dimly lit writhing bodies – with of course, a blond haired centre piece. A completely wrecked one, and damn if that didn’t get something going in Greed.

 _Sometimes, I really don’t know which one of us is the worse pervert,_ Greed replied, feeling distant.

Ling just purred and took Ed’s chin into his hand. “Hey, now,” he said. “Please keep doing that crying face.”

Ed’s brows immediately furrowed. “What?” he said.

Ling took his other hand to stroke the other side of Ed’s face. Soothingly, he said. “It’s just, you’re doing a fine job distracting Greed. Your angst is marvelous.”

To which Greed huffed internally.

Ling continued, “Honestly, I don’t know why he’s getting so worked up, but you’re doing a fine job, emotionally speaking.”

Ed looked at a loss. He was on the edge of a reaction – on one hand, he was leaning into Ling’s hand in a heat-seeking manner, which kind of neutralized the other hand which was likely his anger reflex. This all came to a head with a lame, “Uh, yeah, good.”

“So keep it up,” Ling said, taking that moment to swoop in closer, “I’m sure we’ll find a way to keep him far, far away.”

Then Ed’s eyes popped wide as Ling kissed him. This was accompanied as well by Ling’s hand cradling the back of Ed’s neck, pulling him closer. His other hand came to rest lower, at the base of Ed’s spine. Then they were flush, all in one smooth motion.

Up for air, Ed was dazed. “What a cruel world?” he tried.

Ling smiled wide, “Simply awful,” he added.

Ling flipped Ed on his back, on Greed’s sleeping bag. _His fucking sleeping bag_. To that Ling smirked, and made a point of going for Ed’s neck – this was met with a sharp inhalation. Ed languished at the touch for a moment, moving in but also looking like he didn’t know what to do with himself otherwise. Half a second later, though, he figured it out. And by god, his hands went straight for the ass. This caused a shot of excitement to race through Ling.

And this was where Greed found himself. That is, in a body that wasn’t his, and at a moment where had Ling paused and straightened up to survey his work. Ed didn’t seem to appreciate this. He was already a mess, everything about him from his hair to his puffed up lips.

And Ling, the perceptive bastard, seemed to be entirely aware of what this did to him. He said, seemingly to both of them, “Do you want me to do more?”

He didn’t wait for a response before he succulently put a finger in his mouth. It turned out he didn’t need to wait for Ed to grab him and pull him down into another kiss. It was frantically uncoordinated by the urgency.

Greed wanted to lay money, however, that he was the one being driven more insane. Albeit, of a different kind: more of an urge to reach inside his own soul and yank Ling’s screaming immaterial body out by his stupid poofy pants.

Ling didn’t seem to have trouble ignoring that. He instead attended to the other much more demanding person in that tent, kissing long and hard. But if Greed didn’t know any better, he could swear the way in which Ling was wiggling his tongue was mockery.

Ed either didn’t catch on to that, or really couldn’t care less. Hm, yeah, Greed noted. Probably the second thing. Ed was evidently getting into it judging by the way he reached up to grab Ling’s back… and the way that he was fumbling with the shirt there and nearly got it over Ling’s head in the same tug.

Ling caught on quickly to this new development, and quickly shucked the shirt off himself. Immediately, his hands moved to do the same thing to Ed’s – in a move that he was evidently very much better at. When he leaned down again and their chests met, Ed nearly melted on the spot. His fingers, however, were very much not liquid on Ling’s back. He was going to leave scratch marks.

The same passion drew Ed’s hands down to Greed’s leather pants, and by god he had drive to tear those off. Ling enthusiastically shucked them off with him with him, making a point being rough with them and kicking them into a heap in the corner of the tent. On _dirt._

In any case, they were extraneous as hell. And at that pace they were going, well, they continued on along the expected route – there wasn’t a hint of hesitation as Ed’s pants came off, nor underpants. It was off to the races.

Ling stayed there for a short time, savoring the kiss. Feeling his way around, he ghosted his fingertips along Ed’s body, taking care to explore as many crevices as he could, trying to map out the skin. Soon he replaced his fingers with his lips, parting with Ed to trace a line of kisses down the front of his chest.

Then _real_ south. Ed quite audibly reacted to Ling’s lips wrapping around his dick. This, Ed, really, really liked, evidentially. And that same like sent a shiver ricocheting down Ling’s spine which further inspired his tongue, and well, you get the picture.

When Ed reached down, clumsily trying to reciprocate, things got more out of hand. He leaned down, trying to reach some dick. Ling briefly came up, and grinned at him. Wildly, Ed’s response to that was to flip Ling over and sprawl on top.

But, he caught himself awkwardly before the next kiss. Ling exploited this gap by smiling even more salaciously. They kissed anyway. Then some more.

After a while, Ed shimmied his hand down and gives pumping dick another go, finally successfully. That got Ling going. He felt his right hand reaching to do the same thing to Ed’s dick. The cycle of pleasure continued as Ed was set off. Ling nipped at Ed’s neck, and his left hand went to circle even lower downstairs, to which Ed flinched slightly, but was quickly distracted by the right hand keeping up its heavy pumps.

Ling shushed in Ed’s ear. “Do you want me to do this?” He asked, softly.

Ed was flush as hell, quite possibly close to screaming again for a completely different reason from last time, separated slightly to look at Ling from behind sweat drenched bangs, and he nodded.

Ling’s left hand lightly penetrated. He wiggled it around, stretching. “Just relax,” Ling whispered. Meanwhile he felt his right hand cool it on the dick and reach up to Ed’s back and hungrily yet warmly feel around. Ed was soothed, still tense, but relaxing.

He sharply inhaled with the first finger fully in. A most delicious noise. Ling rewarded him for it by a soft kiss on his neck. It didn’t last, however, as he felt it turn into a hickey with the extension of his teeth. Ed made another helplessly shocked sound at that, which only seemed to encourage Ling’s mouth.

The mouth released. Ling looked briefly down at what it had done, he felt a touch guilty at first, but that is overrun by an utterly oppressive tidal wave of possession. He felt his mouth going again, this time for the kiss, sealing the deal with vigor and a touch of tooth. His finger again probed Ed’s anus. One finger is after a fashion joined by two.

Then with the two, Ling simply curled his fingers inwards. To this, Ed positively shivered. Ugh, Ling was close.

He pulsed his fingers, which had a similar effect. Then Ed, half wild, reached down to grab Ling’s dick. It was an electric touch to his poor somewhat neglected dick. He keened upwards on the sleeping back. Then he gave another squeeze with his finger, Ed seemed to match on his dick – and release.

He groaned, long and hard. On his chest, he felt that Ed was doing the same. He carefully removed his finger. Breathed. Watched with wonder as Ed the learned shifted just slightly downwards to lay his head on the meat of Ling’s under-shoulder.

Then all that was left was the sound of their audible breathing against the night. Lastly, Ling reached a hand up to softly feel Ed’s face one more time, and then fully latched on with the rest of his body.

\---

As soon as Darius could hear faint crickets again, he finally relaxed. He had been laying there, eyes squeezed shut just _waiting_ for that moment.

Silence was beautiful.

After a tense pause, Heinkel let out a weak chuckle. “Was that the sound of them getting along?”

Darius sat up straight and looked at his friend dead in the eye.

Heinkel grinned, then coughed. “Uh, sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I present to you my love. We are officially live into my very favourite kind of pacing.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Also, I'm not psychic, let me know what you think!!


	4. The Explaining To Do

Things were so much worse now. Ed only got a couple of seconds into his morning before that singular thought pounded the inside of his skull. It demanded attention, and crawled all over him with its sick feeling. This was cyclical, this thing that he had with Greed.

He was going to do it again and again because it was Ling. The prince would seize control, they would have their time together, but it was all so _temporary._ Ed didn’t truly have him, and somehow he doubted that he ever would.

This was why he spared his own fragile hopes that it would be any different that morning. He would have Greed’s smug face to reckon with again. He would have to live with himself for sharing one of the most intimate things a human can do with the _homunculus._ Ed didn’t know if he could do that, if it was at all worth it if that was the cost.

He solemnly picked himself off of the same homunculus. Greed might as well have been laying there sucking his thumb and muttering about money and power. Ed went for the tent zipper.

Unfortunately, he was also a light sleeper. Ed’s plan of stalking out of the tent was rudely interrupted by Greed’s eyes fluttering open. Ed froze in place.

Greed’s eyes took a moment to focus. Ed got to see in real time Greed becoming aware of what had happened, why Ed was there, why he looked the way that he did. Ed felt something visceral and justified curl in his stomach when a smug expression spread across Greed’s face. He stretched his arms behind his back, making a few joints pop, and purred, “Morning sunshine.”

Ed remained silent to that. He felt his eyes burning – partially with what were certainly not tears threatening to come into existence, partially with his attempt to somehow set Greed on fire with the sheer force of his will.

But damn if Greed didn’t get credit for picking up on the bad vibes quickly. His eyes narrowed. “Was the prince that bad?” He asked, keeping his tone light. It felt like a genuine question, and at that, one that was asked with a degree of concern? Ed quickly wrote that one off as a fluke of his imagination.

Ed pointedly continued unzipping the tent, taking great care to keep the glare strong.

Greed shifted from being curious to being perplexed as he sat himself up. Ed was all but one leg out of the tent by the time he heard the tenuous “Wait.”

Ed paused, almost involuntarily. He mentally chastised himself, but then slowly peered back inside anyway. Greed’s expression was nakedly bewildered, open where Greed was never openly anything, which made Ed’s heart pull on his chest painfully. Clean cuts, he thought to himself.

“Just drop it,” Ed finally said.

Ling lowered his hand. His expression became unreadable, and then smoothly shifted to one of indifference. Then annoyance.

Ed wondered mirthlessly whether all of their troubles could be reduced to that for Greed. The homunculus waived his hand in the air (the same hand that Ling probably wanted to grab him with) flippantly. He said: “Whatever kid, suit yourself.”

With that, Ed left.

\---

It was likely the case that Ed was physically incapable of not being dramatic. This made things all the more alarming when for the remainder of the morning he conducted himself in a manner that was resoundingly quiet and polite.

Greed had the palpable feeling of _oh shit oh shit oh shit_ running through his head as the newest round of dancing around the brat began. Things were definitely different from the first time that he’d wigged out. There was no forlorn gazing, nothing wistful nor hopeful. Ed wasn’t even trying all that hard to avoid him.

Granted, it still remained that the camp was tiny as hell, so it was certainly something to actually succeed. But not to try?

Heinkel and Darius caught on pretty quickly to the idea that this was entirely Greed’s fault and wasted no time boring holes into the back of his head. Somehow he could still feel them even after they went out to check the traps. This put Greed in the mood of punching anything and everything.

But he didn’t.

He shuttered to think that he had to something about the situation instead. But he really did.

Greed sat on a log waiting for Ed when he returned with an armful of firewood. He tried in vain to catch Ed’s eye as he passed, but no, he simply went to the centre of the camp and silently started to arrange the wood. Greed silently sucked in air. “So you’re finally pulling your weight around here,” he tried.

Nada.

Greed felt his eyes bugging, but he continued. “You know, I’d do it myself, but somebody has to keep watch on all you guys. Call me mister motivation.”

…

“You’re killing me here,” Greed said, with a small laugh. He crossed his legs. “This is when you’re supposed to defend your honor or something,” he enunciated. Still nothing.

Greed got up. Ed was dutifully working on his little pile of kindling, dutifully ignoring Greed. He loomed over Ed.

“What if I kicked over your pile of wood?” He offered. Silence, so Greed came closer to lean over Ed’s shoulder. That made the teen stiffen.

Greed hummed. “What could I possibly do, I wonder, that would make you liven up again.” He hovered in place for a moment. Ed’s hands had stopped moving. They were cheek to cheek and Greed had the craziest idea.

Not unprecedented though. He slowly turned his head, and gently leaned the two centimetres difference…

Ed recoiled. Before Greed could blink he was transmuting his damn arm and swiping at him. Greed jumped back, but not faster than Ed who had pivoted to lunge at him again. And he was going for the stab.

Greed just barely managed to get his ultimately shield up to dodge the attack at his head. Only for Ed to take the opportunity to punch him in the stomach. Hard.

Greed wheezed. Couldn’t block that one.

Ed was beyond protest, and really looked like he had one singular thing on his mind. Greed grimly thought to himself that he sort of succeeded, right?

He jumped backwards and spread the ultimate shield to cover him fully. As soon as he did that, however, he realized what the real problem was. Whatever manner of restraint Ed was holding onto was dropped, and he lunged with a fresh fire of rage and frustration burning in his eyes.

Greed parried the blow, feeling some stress sweat crop up on his brow. This was not good. Running the odds, there was a good chance that both he and his stuff was going to be on the receiving end of some of this. And no fucking way was he going to let Ed wreck his shit along with him.

Meanwhile on the opposite side of camp, Darius and Heinkel happened to return. They watched with some amusement as Greed diverted Ed away into a clearing. Heinkel whistled at the sight,

“Well damn, so much for them getting along,” he said.

“Heinkel, that’s just how kids freaking work.”

The other man laughed in return. “Sounds about right. Look at them go, Greed’s probably just trying to save the stuff.”

Darius grinned. “Yeah. Oh God, the Stuff! Can’t let Ed destroy the Stuff!!” He mocked.

In any case, what was readily apparent to them was that this was something the teens needed to sort out on their own. They turned tail for the forest once more.

Ed hand just barely missed Greed’s head. It whistled past with encroaching accuracy. Ed was smart enough that he quit trying to hack and slash, and unfortunately he knew exactly what to do to get past Greed’s shield. One hand on him and Greed was getting _hurt_.

A somewhat novel opponent, Greed mused to himself. But never mind that. It was getting harder to think, and that’s what he really needed to be doing at that moment. He could reason his way out this, he wasn’t out of ideas yet.

So he went the opposite direction of reason.

“Alright, so I’m a total dick.”

Ed skittered backwards, breathing heavily. “You don’t fucking say?” he growled. “I HADN’T NOTICED!” The shout was accompanied by a renewed hack fake for his head, with the true alchemized hand coming for his chest.

Greed narrowly side-stepped that one. He sighed. Getting a response from something other than maniacal screaming was a start he supposed. Between blows he tried to say: “Yeah… and I…” he grunted catching the sword directly with his hand, then deflected it to the side, “Wanted to say… that I understand.” Quick dodge. “How you feel.”

“Oh do you now?” Ed shrieked. “Are you even capable of anything apart from contempt?”

Greed grimaced, jumping backwards. “Well yes, I’m basically human,” he said, levelly as he could.

Ed’s eyes lit up with renewed fury. That, Greed would bet, was a pretty bad memory that just intruded. Why did Ed’s flashbacks always have to be his problem? Greed braced himself, but Ed didn’t charge in for the next strike. He stood his ground, looking down. “That’s what all you homunculi say.”

Greed held his claws up defensively. “Well it’s true! Same freaking chemical formula and everything, but you knew that.”

Ed clenched a fist. “Yeah. All you need to make a person. But you can’t really make people!” Renewed strike. Greed skittered backwards. Dammit, his plan drew another blank.

“I have feelings?” He tried.

“That. Doesn’t. Make you any less of a monster!” Ed cried between blows.

“Ok, ouch.” Greed scowled, but then quipped back, “Wait, you see! You hurt them just now!”

Ed screamed with the next strike, another block. He turned around, they face off. Ed was breathing heavily.

It was new new strategy time. Greed let down the ultimate shield from his face. It effectively made Ed hesitate at least, he stopped and looked a little lost. Only for half a second though, then his anger bubbled up afresh. With a gulp, Greed dropped the shield from the rest of his body.

“You know, you promised that if I touched you again, you’d take my regenerative abilities out for a test spin,” Greed said.

Ed breathed heavily as he glared, although a bit of incredulity now seeped into his expression.

“Well it looks as though you’ve got some shit to get out of your system, and I touched you, so here I am,” Greed said, and he was pretty sure his voice only cracked a little. Not too bad.

_Wait, what?_

And Ling had some excellent fucking timing. That drew up more sweat on Greed’s brow. Honestly! No sooner had he offered up his body to be chopped up by a very angry alchemist did Ling show up to taunt him. Greed internally, and frantically, screeched: _This is NOT the best time, oh my dear fucking god! I swear I know what I’m doing here, if you’re mad that it’s going to hurt._

Ling tutted with his hand. _Yes, you’re being incredibly reckless, but not about that. I didn’t realize you were stupid enough to meddle where you don’t belong. When did you do it?_

Speaking of whom, it became apparent that he felt he’d spent enough time debating. His sword arm sliced all the way across Greed’s chest.

It hurt like hell, and caused his inner world to shake with the regeneration. Greed groaned, but continued to Ling, harshly: _Obviously the last time that all the touching happened. Now get lost, I’m a little busy!_

 _Nuh-no-no. You need to explain to me what you were doing. What the hell you think you were doing._ Ling spat again.

Greed got up from his bent knee. His wound had healed and Ed was standing before him, visibly shaking like he wanted to take another slice out of Greed. At the same time, Elric Guilt™ was fresh in his eyes. He was being an annoying piney kid, but Greed could appreciate it when it slowed down his sword arm.

Pointedly ignoring Ling, Greed said to Ed, “If you want, I can put up the shield again.” His voice felt somewhat shaky, “Just covering my face.”

That didn’t make Ed happy. But at the same time, it didn’t cause another wave of anger either. He was starting to calm down. “I see what you’re doing,” he said, quieter.

Greed could have quipped something back at that, but he didn’t. He just waited for Ed to finish. Incidentally, it also took his mind away from the malevolent presence of Ling in his gut.

Ed clenched his metal hand. “You're letting me take this out on you for my benefit," he said, tone levelling out.  

Greed pointedly neither confirmed nor denied. He did hold his chin up slightly higher though.

“Because…” Ed continued, trailing, “You…?”

But then it appeared that Ling was able to put together the pieces just slightly faster. He cussed in their head, biting back laughter. _Oh lord, really?_

Greed bristled to that, which confused Ed, but whatever. _You shut the hell up,_ Greed barked back at Ling.

At this point it hit Ed that Greed was having a whole other conversation without him. “Hey space case,” Ed yelled at him, “Eyes up here, what the hell is Ling saying to you?”

Greed ground his teeth together. “Nothing.” He said, tacking on a fake smile at the end.

And with that, Ed absolutely knew that something was up. Something _good._ Ed perked up almost instantaneously, which was pretty much exactly what he’d wanted five minutes ago, yet adamantly Did Not Want now. (Greed noted with mirth the occupational hazard of his own existence.)

He sighed. “Lose it, kid. It looks like you’re all better now, so we’re done.”

With that, Ed slid in closer. Close enough to force Greed to lean backwards. “Come on Ling-ling-ling. Spill his guts!” Ed sang, all with complete irreverence to his personal space.

Greed gave him a half-lidded glare. “No.” He articulated.

That was when a very scary thought seemed to pass through Ed’s mind. Greed inferred this from the dark look his eyes suddenly acquired. He tensed immediately, just about bringing up the ultimate shield again – and yet he was still not prepared for Ed leaning in and kissing him.

A small peck, which Ed broke away from quickly. Afterwards he wiped his mouth from his sleeve and looked expectant.

It did… have the intended effect. Greed was shook. Almost immediately, this meant Ling capitalized and seized control.

Brightly, Ling said, “Thank you for inserting 250 cens,” which made Ed chuckle. “The answer you seek is that Greed has a crush on you.”

Ed’s laugh caught in his throat at that, and his eyes went wide. Greed hastily grabbed his body back from Ling—who laughed himself into spiritual oblivion—but only to have his face almost instinctively do the same thing as Ed. He felt himself going red.

All he could do was stare back at Ed, who was equally speechless.

And that was it, he had no quip for this, no nothing. He was ready to go crawl into a hole now, thanks.

Ed appeared to be in the same boat. Thus began the longest moment of awkward silence that he had ever had the displeasure of experiencing. He briefly wondered if he could get a way out by knocking the kid unconscious when he didn’t expect it. Alternatively, he could also do the same thing to himself. As in, what would happen, for instance, if he just passed out. It would be just as if his heart gave out…

Then his heart in earnest threatened that outcome. That is, when Ed broke the awkwardness and cracked a smile. An especially evil smile.

God fucking damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If these weren’t so short and I didn’t enjoy keeping everybody guessing more, I would have hinted at the literal murder that goes on in this chapter in the title. Surprise attempted murder is the best kind of murder though. 
> 
> In any case. My fair reader, if you’ve enjoyed this you should tell me about it. Did I hit or miss? Are people having emotions? 
> 
> Finally, for those of you who have made it this far, I'll finally link up my tumblr if you want to know more about me. I'm [feelingstentacles](https://feelingstentacles.tumblr.com). (Realistically, yeah, gee why not put it at the beginning, but also ew self promotion?)


	5. The Grand Tease

Greed’s life was not easy. Yeah, sure, he was a naturally charming person. Seeing as though people were magnetically drawn to him, this made things such as bartering, charming, and the art of seduction come naturally and easily to him. That being said, it seemed as though exactly none of these things had worked in his favour in his present situation. None of his redeeming traits were appreciated by the companions he’d wound up attracting.

Ed had taken knowledge of his, um, feelings, and had _ran_ with it. The kid took advantage in every conceivable way: when meal time came around and Darius and Heinkel dropped off the rope of rabbits for skinning, Ed made a point of ignoring all personal space when grabbing his. Then he had the audacity to smile innocently and say, “Oh, did I do that?”

Which made Greed grind his teeth. More so when the actual skinning itself took place with Ed practically sitting in his lap. With this, it was exquisitely clear that Ed was not actually flirting with him – it had become a game to him, this whole feelings crap. All he wanted to do was get a rise out of Greed.

Later he complained loudly about why he wasn’t being ravished in the woods.

The worst was yet to come that night, however. For the first time since the start of their arrangement, Greed dreaded not having the chimeras around. Their over sized hairy bodies, their cavalier indifference towards them… their, uh, big strong arms. This was the kind of positive attitude towards them that Greed was trying to cultivate as he walked up to the tent.

He had taken his sweet time, only coming back once it was plausible that everybody else had hit the hay. He would have stayed out longer, but honestly it was getting really cold. When he got in there, he was going to sleep and he was going to ignore Ed. It was as simple as that.

The light was still on as he zipped open the tent. His tenseness was quickly alleviated, however – as there was Ed, asleep lying on top of his sleeping bag. He looked as though he had passed out in the midst of hatching a scheme, Greed swore he saw an evil grin on his face even in sleep.

Greed used every ounce of quietness he had in his body to zip the tent up again. Then he darted to his sleeping bag and moved to shuck off his pants before climbing in.

He got it down like, two teeth, and Ed’s eyes shot open. He rubbed his eyes and sat up straight, then his attention zeroed in on Greed.

Who recoiled, “Were you just waiting for the sound of my pants? What kind of pervert are you?”

The least of his problems, he realized, was that it didn’t appear he was going to get an opportunity to take off his pants any time soon that night, ideally. He felt personally victimized by the sacrifices that fashion sometimes demanded.

“Oh ho ho ho,” Ed cackled. Then he laid back, draping his hand over his forehead. “My, what stranger has come into my tent this night! Has he come for me?” Ed sang.

Greed tried his best to channel all the ‘eat shit and die’ he could into one look.

“Am I to be ravished this night?” Ed continued, “Is it—“

“Will you quit that already?” Greed finally snapped. He definitely had a headache coming on now.

That at least got Ed to stop flopping around on his sleeping bag. He sat up, eyes wide. Then barely holding back a cackle, he said, “But Sir!”

This was when Greed launched his pillow at Ed. Direct hit, and the teen went down. It was a short victory, however. He popped back up almost immediately and his expression was all the more sorrowful.

Greed said, simply: “Start up again and its going to be a boot.”

Ed just laughed and took a deep breath to do just that. Greed immediately started unlacing his boot. To which Ed shrieked, “Come on, you don’t need to chuck a boot at me!”

To this, Greed raised a skeptical eyebrow. Didn’t he, though? What if he just really wanted to chuck a boot?

“Jeez, fine,” Ed sighed, “I’ll calm down, but you can’t blame a guy for getting his amusement where he can. Besides,” he muttered, “you’ve had plenty of fun at my expense.”

Greed huffed. He really wanted to defend that, but at the same time, meh? So instead he continued unlacing and said: “I’m going to take off my boots, now. Because I want to, and also because I want you to stay in line, got it?”

Ed sighed. Then he practically crooned: “You’re going to use that to get in between our looove.”

Greed shot up to fire again, but found that Ed was just sitting there, red as a beet. Which he had become, as soon as the unlikely to all hell L word had slipped from his lips. He was stuttering a little bit trying to maintain his composure, trying to keep the upper hand over Greed, trying to continue on lording whatever it was that he had for a point.

But no dice. Greed grinned, all that he accomplished was slipping up and letting Greed know just how uncomfortable with emotions he was. Ed was swimming in the wrong goddamn pool.

“Hm, our love you say,” Greed purred. The word felt strange on his lips too, but he ignored it the best his charming ass could.

“Yeah,” Ed said a little too loudly, “all those feelings and stuff.” He kept a defiant look on his face, bless his heart. Oh wait, then he winked… so was that supposed to be seduction? Or a mockery thereof?

(Whatever it was, Ed appeared to be trying his very best to do it.)

Greed smiled back. “You’re going to have to be more specific about what you mean by that,” he said. Then he leaned to the side to rest his chin on top of his fist, feeling his smile grow as Ed responded to this request by being a stuttering idiot.

“Uh,” he managed.

“Are you talking about the way in which we _made_ love. Because that’s a little different,” Greed said, looking at his nails on his free hand. “I do hope you can tell by the second time,”

And, wound _salted_. Ed appeared to be short circuiting.

Greed got up to go in for the kill. He slid over to Ed on his sleeping bag, who shuffled back a little bit. “Aw, is somebody uncomfortable with their feelings?” He sneered.

He stayed in that bubble of personal space a little bit. You know, doing his thing, asserting his dominance. What he should have counted on, however, was that Ed was a competitive little shit.

Because suddenly he gets the bright idea, the very bright idea, to snarl: “I’ll show you being uncomfortable with feelings!” and close the short gap to plant a kiss on Greed’s lips.

He held it for a second. Greed’s eyes popped open, he felt his arms freewheeling behind his back. Ed’s eyes were squinted shut during the quick press, and he cautiously opened them as he pulled away.

Greed startled backwards. His hand went up to his lips. No, no, no, that was _not_ right. What Ed looked like was a kid on a stupid dare; looking back, the smile on his face coming in was all wrong. Ed was just looking for a reaction. Just like the way that he was sitting there now, looking at him like we was a fucking _science experiment._ It was all for the sake of embarrassment. That had been a punishing kiss.

Something cracked in Greed’s chest at that thought. His expression changed from shock to incredulity in short order and he felt some truly righteous fury brewing him. Ed had no goddamn right, _no goddamn right._

He felt the ultimate shield slip up his hand. Ed appeared to notice as well, and his eyes went wide. Greed clenched that fist, the urge to use it surged through him, but his disgust suppressed that.

It wasn’t worth it.

“You’re right,” Greed said, voice creaky. “That was emotionally uncomfortable.”

Ed watched his arm carefully as the ultimate shield withdrew. His face was still red, but it seemed to burn with guilt rather than embarrassment. Yet no defense or apology sprung from him.

Greed felt his cheeks burn with the same color, probably. The kiss had definitely done the trick at penetrating the façade he put up to fuck with Ed.

That just left them both with the brute fact that they were sitting there, neither saying anything, but both thinking pretty loudly that the joke had gone too far. Whatever kind of joke it was.

That is, until finally Ed said, “I’m just gonna go to bed now.”

Which sounded like a damn fine idea to Greed. Fine enough that Ed didn’t even wait for his quip back (which was a good thing because he didn’t have one). Ed flipped over, curling into a small ball in his corner.

Finally, Greed got to take off his boots, and yes, even his pants too. That being said, even that relief had been soured.

\---

The quiet night was disturbed only the subtle force of Ling taking covert control. In the first place, he used this to get back the pillow that Greed had thrown earlier but had been too much of a coward to retrieve. The annoyance in itself had given him enough power to seize his body back, but that was not his only purpose.

During the pillow extraction he had to lean over Ed. Up until that point he knew he had to do something about the weird ass energy in their tent, but not yet exactly what to do. He’d understood what had motivated Ed to answer the call to ridicule, though his exact method of problem solving was suspect to say the least.

He also had his suspicions on why it blew up in his face so spectacularly. The primary reason being that trying to out-sex Greed while being Edward Elric was about the equivalent of a house cat challenging a puma.

Even thought the puma had torn Ed to shreds for the time being, Ling knew it was not yet time to get on the bandwagon. There were more nefarious plans to be had.

From his position hovering just over Ed’s sleeping body, the idea came to him. He quickly grabbed his pillow and set it above his sleeping bag. Then he went and placed a gentle hand on Ed’s shoulder.

Blearily, the alchemist grumbled at the touch but didn’t move, so Ling shook him a little. “Hey yooouu,” he hissed.

Ed grunted again, but ceded and turned over. It didn’t even take half a second of looking at the easy smile on Ling’s face to know who was in charge. The look he gave back was at once heartbreaking and endearing, somehow.

The former, because he consciously restrained himself from going for the hug. The latter, because of the quiet heartfelt, “Hi,” he breathed.

Ling’s chest swelled. But there was no time for that. “Hey, I need you to do something for me…”

Ed brightened. “Are we going to plot against Greed?”

“Heh,” Ling chuckled, “Just the opposite, I’m actually going to need you to kiss and make up.”

To which Ed froze, “Uh what? You want me to…”

Ling tutted with his hand, “Only if you really want to, alas my point is much more practical.”

Ed still looked kind of traumatized, but piped down. He muttered: “Is that because he had feelings or something? Are you here to tell me to be nicer?” Ed said incredulously.

“Only if you don’t want him to throw you into the river,” Ling said.

Ed grunted. “Well I guess.”

Ling raised a hand, “It’s a little more serious than that, you must realize what happens if he just runs off.”

That resonated. Ed looked down, quiet and more than a little vulnerable looking. “That’s messed up,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I know.”

Ed leaned down to put his head in his hands, boring a hole in the floor with his eyes, he said: “I’m not losing anymore friends,”

Ling raised an eyebrow at that, but continued. “So then doing something about Greed wanting to kill you is probably a good idea. I mean, he’s probably not going to do it, but I wouldn’t push it.”

Ed took an unexpected moment to reflect on that. After a fashion, he muttered back: “What the hell is stopping him?”

Ling chuckled in surprise, “Well that’s very lucid of you. So you do know how annoying you are sometimes.”

Ed glared, but then stopped. He shook himself, “No no, this is about something you said earlier, you know, when we…” He trailed off.

Brightly, Ling supplied, “Was this during the first time or the second time?”

And that got the blush fired up on Ed’s cheeks. He sputtered, and Ling had to admit he was having a good time nailing that point home, albeit, with a slightly different punch-line than Greed’s earlier. “You know,” Ling continued, “If we’re quick we could make a third time for you to be temporally confused about,” he waggled his eyebrows.

That made Ed substantially worse. He skittered a bit as Ling slid in. Especially as Ling hovered just below his chin, however an unprecedented wave of self control set it: Ed let a big puff of air out, then he grinned. “Weren’t we trying not to attract Greed’s attention, or whatever?”

Ling scowled and moved back, “Yeah, I guess,” he said.

“So focus up,” Ed said, “After the… second time then, you commented on Greed getting worked up.”

Ling pursed his brow.

“You know,” Ed continued, “It was why you were able to take control.” Ling waved his arm at him, signaling to move on. “So was that really a feelings thing or is he just getting weaker or something?”

They paused. After a moment, Ling said. “How am I supposed to know that?  Do I look like a homunculus whisperer to you?”

“You _are_ a homunculus,” Ed screeched back.

Ling waived a hand, “Unclear, unclear. I think Greed and I both are aggressively individual.” Pause. “Although sometimes it is a little hard to tell.”

Ed studied him for a moment. Then Ling watched his contemplative expression get shattered by a wave of memory, and he was willing to lay money to guess what just popped into his head. Ed coughed, “Yeah,” he said. “It is.”

Ling grinned at him.

“Speaking of which, where is he currently?” Ed asked, tentatively.

“Ah, he’s deep in the proverbial ‘downstairs’ of our headspace, but that’s a good point you bring up. He’ll be pissed off if I take up too much of his beauty sleep,”

To that, Ed scowled. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying.”

“Yes,” he said, coming closer. “It’s time for you to sit here and snuggle with me.”

Ed did a double take. “What.” He narrowed his eyes. “But he still wants to kill me?”

“I know, I know,” and Ling grabbed Ed by the sides of the head. “So here’s what you have to do, just be nice,”

“Be _nice?_ ” Ed whined back.

Ling shook him, “Yes, just don’t antagonize him! And apologize!”

\--

_THE NEXT DAY…_

“AND GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID BEAUTIFUL FACE” Ed shrieked, “I hate you and I wish you would die!”

Greed’s temple pulsed.

\--

_OR NOT…_

“No, no. You’re not doing _that!_ ” Ling shouted, “Good lord.”

Ed shrugged, mostly unrepentant. “What if he pisses me off?”

“Then you deal with it!”

Ed shrank in his seat and grumbled again. “And you’re sure that cuddling is the best way to deal with this situation,” he asked, extremely skeptically.

“Cuddling is always the way,” Ling replied assuredly. “But also, did you just call me beautiful?”

Ed’s cheeks flared. He didn’t look as though he’d expected that to be the biggest thing that Ling took from his plans. “Uh, maybe?”

Ling winked. “Thanks, you’re not too bad yourself.”

\---

Come morning, Greed found with no little alarm that Ed was not only snuggled up next to him, but grabbing on. He was nestled just under Greed’s shoulder, specifically in the one and only soft spot there. Furthermore, and this was either because he had been incredibly out of it or that the prince had made a visit, but it seemed as though he was hugging Ed back.

Greed sighed. He was really over this bullshit.

He wasn’t going to lie and say he didn’t look down at Ed for a while. You know, watch the calm rise and fall of the teen’s back, the way his hair glistened in the morning light.   Ed was a sight.

That didn’t detract from his being pissed and all, but still.

So he was staring and Ed was sleeping. Until, that is, Ed was no longer sleeping, but instead looking up.

Once more, Greed braced himself. Here it was coming: the recoil, the commotion, Ed calling him names. But no? Ed took a second to look up at Greed, and managed to do none of those things. In fact, he renewed his grip on the homunculus just as Greed was trying to unwind. Ed was gentle yet firm in his hug, and honestly, Greed was shook.

“Hey, uh” Ed started. Then not unlike there was a bird trapped in his throat: “Sorry,” he croaked.

Evidently, this caused more of whatever was in Ed’s throat to come loose. What would have been a light cough quickly turned into a full-fledged coughing fit, worsening the harder he tried to suppress it. Therefore, the intermediate result of the apology was Ed fighting to prevent himself from being suffocated by his own entrails in a coughing fit for about 10 seconds while Greed watched with a small amount of alarm. He held up a finger, then steadied himself as he breathed in. After that he was cool. He sucked it up, and then returned to the same level of sincerity that had gotten him in that mess to begin with.

Oddly, oddly sincere. Enough in fact that Greed didn’t want to believe it for a moment. He searched Ed’s face for the characteristic traces of bullshit. Lip biting, eye averting, etc. But no. There was just the shame from earlier, an open reiteration but with the meaningful remorse behind it that was required to finally back it up properly.

Greed wanted to believe it.

Ed snuggled back into his side. He wrapped his arms around Greed’s waist, probably burrowing his head in so he didn’t have to say anymore. That in itself, however. The fact that he came in over moving away. That the gravity between them has been having a very specific effect. That Ed had gone this route, over all of the innumerable routes that he could have taken.

Greed breathed out, finally. But then difficult part came. He had to reply to that, and his silver tongue was in no help, because it was used to was spinning lies and it could pay no respect to the amount of earnestness in the air. Things felt too real, too present, too full of truth, too everything and he was just utterly out of his element.

So he said nothing, and offered a comforting hand on Ed’s back instead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home stretch! Home stretch! Waiting to post this has honestly been killing me, and its even worse with the next chapter. I sometimes imagine how much easier this whole thing would be if these boys were a little better at expressing their feelings instead of pulling ponytails. 
> 
> But nah. 
> 
> For my final COMMENT, go listen to Violet Hill by coldplay.


	6. Tossed in The River

The next day was a beast of a different kind. For once, Ed and Greed exited their tent at the same time, all while not embroiled in any crazy fighting, hiding, or other ridiculous drama.

That sight alone caused Darius to do a double take and nearly fall off the log that he was sitting on. Heinkel, sitting beside him, was equally agape. He held the other man steady while staring in disbelief at the teens _civilly_ parting from each other to go to different parts of the camp.

“What in blue blazes!” He gasped, fanning Darius.

Woozy, the other chimera collected himself. “Hell if know,” he replied.

It was a good start to the day.

\---

What followed felt as though it finally returned to the normal pattern of activities before the calamity of the previous days. The camp was packed up in the morning, they charted their next route – which worked scenically along the river, slowly inching towards central as the promised day approached. That being said, they were neither distally nor temporally close enough for either destination or purpose to be present in mind all the time.

Of course, Ed ruminated over it plenty, but he was a worrier. Greed noticed this while they walked, and it was apparent then and in general that Ed didn’t spend a lot of time on the same planet as everybody else. The two teens took up the rear in their trek through fairly virgin territory. Darius and Heinkel were ahead, and the path was good enough that they’d covered some distance that Greed and Ed would have to make up sooner or later.

They walked side by side, silently. It was the kind of quiet that didn’t require filling, especially not with comment on the fact that they were walking together for once, and not on either side of the chimeras.

It was little things like that which punctuated the building of their next camp. They arrived at a good spot when the sun was pretty well directly over head, so probably noon. Shortly after, the rations were divvied up (Greed and Ed sat together). Greed picked at his food and acted like a bitch, Darius chewed him out for the same reason. Ed laughed at them as he finished his own food fairly quickly.

Greed didn’t take nicely to being called a “prissy little bitch.” Darius and Heinkel high-fived again. Then they elected to go out and set the traps for dinner and Greed and Ed got the job proper of setting up camp.

Still on the log, Greed watched the chimeras go. Meanwhile Ed, bless his heart, was already getting up to do the actual work. Truly, so nice of him. Greed stretched his arms above his head. “Good job,” he said, “keep up the good work.”

Having none of that, Ed snapped back, “Get off your damn ass.”

“Why I never!” Greed replied, pressing a hand to his chest, “You kiss your mother with that mouth?” The shock, probably, was not as naturally formulated as it could have been, but Greed ran with it anyway.

So too, did Ed. He closed the distance with surprising efficiency and a wicked smile. “My mother’s dead,” he said, surprisingly bluntly. “But I have kissed you with it.”

If Ed was intending to put Greed off balance with that, it worked, but only briefly.

His mistake was letting on that they were even playing. “Hm,” Greed said, “At that again now are we? You’re going to have to get a little more creative this time. It seems as though whenever you get yourself into trouble you just go and kiss me again.”

Ed smiled, “I know, I know, I’m losing my creativity.” He looked down for a second, and looked marvelous with the gears turning in his mind.

He popped up, “I could shock you by insulting your mother?”

“Don’t have one.”

Ed snapped his fingers, “Right. And of course, I hate your father probably as much as you do, so we’d just bond if I did that.”

“Certainly can’t have that,” Greed replied.

“Yes, yes.” Ed pondered. “I can’t call you a bitch either, because Darius already did that today…” cue salacious smile, “But I can threaten to make you my bitch.”

Un-expecting, Greed burst into laughter. “Now we’re talking,” he said. “You just, ah, need to work on the delivery.”

That was when Greed got things going properly. He stood up, taking advantage of the couple of inches he had on Ed to get his loom on. “You have to say, I’m going to make you _mine._ ”

Driving in the effect, Greed grabbed the front of Ed’s shirt and pulled him closer. Ed sputtered wildly with that movement. He was very much red in the face, breathing hard enough for Greed to feel it on his neck, looking wide eyed, and very obviously not handling the proximity well.

Greed just smiled back. “And that’s how you do it,” He said. Then he messed up Ed’s hair a little bit and strolled away.

Game, set, match.

That being said, it wasn’t over – judging by the way Ed looked at him as he left. There was a peculiar expression on his face; as Greed was breaking open the tent stuff he took a moment to study it.

Then Ed’s face broke into a smile.

Greed cocked his head to the side, then looked down at himself. “Son of a bitch!” He yelled – with that, Ed started cackling. “I’m setting up the tent!”

Ed nearly fell over laughing at him.

Pole in hand, Greed just glared back at him. Then, begrudgingly, well he continued, while of course pondering how exactly he’d gotten played. After a few minutes of wheezing, Ed came over and put a hand on Greed’s tense back, gloating:

“You were saying?” Ed trilled. Then he leaned over to pull more poles out from Greed’s bag, and set them down on the ground to connect them together.

They were done tent setup in about half an hour. In that time, Greed threw no more than 4 rocks at Ed’s head for being an annoying little shit – this was for, but not limited to: getting in his damn way while he was trying to stretch the fabric, jumping inside the mostly covered tent when he wasn’t looking only to reach out and grab his ankle (he also nearly got kicked in the face for that), having sudden losses in strength while trying to link two poles together and whining until Greed came over, and of course, his final and most grievous offense: humming loudly.

By the time Darius and Heinkel returned Greed was feeling quite played out. He was sitting on the log again, resting his eyes while Ed was applying the finishing touches to the tents. Their judgmental presences, as a matter of fact, woke him up. He felt them looming before he saw them, and his eyes fluttered open with annoyance.

“Would you look at this,” Heinkel said. “The homunculus is taking a nap while the kid does all the work.”

“Pretty typical,” Darius added.

Greed felt aghast. His protests were on his lips, but the chimeras were already moving on. They had returned with firewood, Darius dropped his off and Heinkel stayed to start the fire properly.

He made the little nest of kindling and got the stick ready, but not before shouting to Ed: “Hey Fullmetal, still no alchemy for starting fires eh?”

To which Ed grumbled, “Still not that kind of alchemist.”

Greed kept an eye narrowly open, watching Heinkel chuckle and keep twirling his stick. Darius, meanwhile went back to the tents and with practically zero subtly picked one up and moved it about 20 feet away from the other.

In response to the bewildered look he got from Ed, Darius simply replied: “This is because you and the other brat seem to be getting along much too well lately.”

That had the effect of getting Ed even more riled up. He was positively scandalized by this and Greed tried to tune him out as he said stuff like: “It’s not like that! Why are you making assumptions about me and that jerk?” Darius’ response to this was to move the tent clear across the fire-pit, of course.

Then Darius came and took a spot on the log. With a smirk, Greed could confirm, that was aimed square at him. This was about the time when Greed decided that the adversity really wasn’t worth it. He picked up his weary body and did an indignant stretch.

Then: glare, hair flip.

“I’m taking a damn walk,” he said. Mild wince, because yeah that was a bit pouty out loud. But no matter. This was happening now, even though it did nothing to stop the chimeras from looking at him funny.

This was a matter especially not helped when Ed jumped out from sulking by their tent, looking equally war-torn, and declared. “Amen.”

Greed did a double take, “What is this, a freaking summer camp registration form?”

Ed got bristly from that. “I do what I want, now let’s get the hell out of here.”

For all of Greed’s indignation, that was something he could not argue with. It did have the effect of making the chimera’s smirking about 100x worse. But somehow he felt a little better about it as he was stalking away from them with Ed by his side.

\---

Alright, so this really wasn’t what it looked like. It was less that Ed was _trying_ to follow Greed around and more that he was just no longer actively trying to avoid him. It just so happened that they had a lot of the same things that they wanted to do around camp. Realistically speaking, he was probably also the most entertaining thing around for miles.  Not that there was much to do to begin with, but still.   

Greed was only giving him a bit of a funny look as they walked off together. Otherwise he looked calm, way calmer than usual as a matter of fact.

Their camp was in a small clearing, and it took them exactly five second to reach the tree border around it. After that they were heading up towards the river. It got real serene real fast walking through trees, and Ed found himself staring off into space.

It was like that for a while.

They hit the river proper. Greed hopped up on a rock, popped a squat, tried to ignore Ed probably. He looked out at the bank – and oh yeah, his hair was flapping in the breeze. Ed’s mind floated to Ling. There was a serenity in the homunculus’ expression that gave him the inkling that Ling was there, but also a gentle intensity in the way he looked off. Ed felt good with the former as well as the latter.

The thought of being ravished in the woods suddenly popped into his head. Ed smirked at the thought, briefly considering poking Greed about it, but concluded that it would ruin the mood. So instead he hopped up on the same rock as Greed and sat his ass down.

That thing about not following Greed around totally still held. This was completely of his own volition and nothing else. Greed wasn’t looking at him like that was the case, but it was the truth. The more important thing, however, was that the homunculus wasn’t complaining about it.

He was open to it. Just as though water flowed and Ed watched it. He zoned out some more.

Eventually Greed leaned back to lie down. He kept his eyes open for a while under the pretenses of watching the clouds, but eventually closed them.

Worth mentioning was that this wasn’t a particularly large rock they were sitting on. It was long enough for Greed to lay his torso down on it while keeping his legs dangling off, and wide enough that there was about an inch margin between Ed and the edge. There was a bit of an incline there, though. So he scooched up to prevent his probably inevitable fall. It meant that he was in contact with Greed, but whatever.

If the homunculus noticed, he didn’t comment. Ed tracked the transition as his breathing got heavy and level. He listened to that along with the river.

He must have fallen asleep at some point. Ed felt his head bob and jerk back. More pressing however, was the feeling of his butt slipping underneath him. As he came to, it became apparent that the amount that he had scooched was not enough, not nearly enough.

It accelerated with the dampness. He left Greed’s side. Then he felt himself careening, and his limbs cartwheeling. He was heading butt first for the river; his quickly reviving brain winced in advance for that.

But then he felt his hand being grabbed. His weight shifted entirely off the rock and the grip held steady.

Ed blinked a couple of times. He looked down, and then up again. There was Greed, of course, holding his arm and looking annoyed for it.

He said: “If you’re going to sit on a damn river rock, do it properly for fuck’s sake.” Shaking his head, he hauled Ed up. “Apparently, there is an art to this,” he continued, grumbling.

Ed was slightly shook. He breathed out for a moment as he readjusted himself. Much tighter to Greed this time, and while the homunculus was in no hurry to let go of his arm. “Heh, that was a close one,” Ed commented.

Greed rolled his eyes, “No shit. You should have told me you wanted to go swimming, we might have waited until _after_ nap-time.”

“I would’ve,” Ed drawled.

Then that thought from earlier popped back into his mind. He felt lazy and relaxed, but he must have been effected by the adrenaline because suddenly his lips were moving before his head was filtering. “Hey,” he said, “is there an art to ravishing in the woods as well?”

And then for the second time, he believed he truly caught Greed off guard.

The homunculus’ eyes nearly popped out of his head and he cracked a wide smile. He suppressed a bout of laughter as he said, “What?”

“You heard me,” Ed teased. “I’m asking you for tips if you’re so good at maneuvering around on a wet rock.”

Momentarily, Ed reflected that yeah, he was officially running with this. He wasn’t at all sure what his mouth was doing at this point, but it was sure doing something.

Greed considered that last part for half a second, and then quickly composed himself, “Well,” he drawled. “First of all, dry rocks are better.”

“What if all the rocks are wet?” Ed whined back, lightning fast.

Minutely as hell, Greed clenched his jaw. “Then it just takes a little bit more coordination,” he replied.

Ed thought for a second what he wanted to say to that. Which was a mistake, because that meant a pause. In which they were just looking at each other. Greed had time to work whatever thing he did with his freaking eyes. In whatever game they were playing, whenever Ed gave him time to do that, he was losing.

Greed cracked a wider smile, “Were you expecting a demonstration or something?”

And damn.

Ed sputtered. Yeah, fuck. He was toast. Just like that, the retorts he had stored up in his mind evaporated. He had to correct himself, though, because it wasn’t as though they were in the front of his mind, more like they were in whatever part of the back of his head kept on coming up to wanting to fucking tango. Which is so much to say that they weren’t quite conscious, more like—

Wait. While Ed’s mind was doing cartwheels around itself, it occurred to him that he was just staring at Greed. Next, was that between breaths the distance was shrinking. Thirdly, lastly, and where Ed found himself presently, was the feeling of lips pressing his own.

He careened back into reality via the taste of a god-damn cheater. He savored it for the brief couple of seconds it lasted, until Greed let up for air. Then Ed gave it to him: “You broke your own rule,” he said, grinning.

Greed paused for a second, evidently slower on the uptake. Then his eyes flashed and he just smiled back. “That only applies when you’re using it _to_ win,” he countered. “I’ve already won.”

With that, he leaned in again, and once more Ed’s responses died where they laid. This time, Ed kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you noticed, I finally got around to doing the exposition for the story. Y'know, where they are, what they're doing. 
> 
> And this is the last chapter! Honestly, it's my favourite out of the whole story, it makes me absurdly happy whenever I read it.


	7. Epilogue

Afterwards, there was a peculiar state of affairs where power and control were wielded, yet were neither taken nor resigned. Edward Elric realized the mileage he could get by just asking for stuff, and Greed ever so subtly stopped saying no after a while.

He lightened up on his anti-Ling policy as well. This meant a lot more airtime for the prince. This was a situation that he had wholeheartedly taken advantage of.

At first, Ling was dramatic about it. He would run up to Edward with haggard breath, tugging at his jacket sleeve, eyes as wide as he could, and tell him about the horrendous battle he had waged with Greed. He would make sure to accentuate how heroic he was, but most of all, how much it had drained him and how he needed help keeping his strength up to maintain control.

The excuse would be somewhere along the lines that sex helped him keep his concentration, of course. Ed had bought it initially. But also with a grain of suspicion, because he was on much better terms with Greed lately.

This meant that after a while the unlikely to all hell thing happened and Ed just plain asked Greed about all the battles they had waged. And of course Greed ratted him out in a flash. There wasn’t even a _hint_ that he was going to alter the truth a little bit for camaraderie’s sake. He even went so far as to incorporate the struggle into his next pickup line. Something along the lines of: “But if you want, I can show you an epic struggle when I split you open with my dick.”

And the worst part about that whole situation was that the shitty line had worked. Ling was incensed, but also deeply, deeply curious. Because it seemed by all accounts to be the case that everything Greed was doing, from the airtime, to the chores he would do, to the concern that he would show – was all just to make Ed happy.

And if that wasn’t strange as hell.

But also no?

In any case, Ling’s overemphasis on Battling Epically may have been responsible for the current tightened policy on flirtation standards that Edward was enforcing. (But who knows, right?) Ling was walking behind him while they carried firewood back to camp. Ed probably wasn’t trying to sashay but he was doing it anyway, and damn Ling wasn't getting a break.

He’d _had_ Ed earlier. Dead to rights. There was a tree, and Ling was leaning up against this tree with Ed underneath him. He was even doing the arm thing making a little cage that Ed couldn’t get out of. Ling had him strategically cornered and the setup had been perfect.

But oh no, Ed just smiled at him. It wasn’t as though he looked particularly unwilling. If Ling had to gander there was some eye undressing that Ed was probably partaking in. But the little shit just said: “Hm, so we’re doing romance tropes now?”

Ling was aghast. That being said, he dealt with it fairly quickly, retorting: “Well it’s not like its hard to get my hand over your head like this.”

Ling then took advantage of the predictable reaction, and before Ed could say anything else, he slid in closer. “Just as though its not that hard for me to slip and fall, and oh no!” And kill shot. He had Ed’s cheek in his hand, was moving in for the lips.

He was breathing in, Ed was transfixed for half a second. Ling met his lips and kissed deeply. One second, two seconds. Savour that shit, come up. Meet Ed’s smirking face.

Ling briefly wondered why he’d gone and fallen in love with Edward Elric.

Because then the jerk went and stroked his fingers along his own chin. He said: “Good execution. Needs more originality though. 6/10.”

Then he popped out from underneath Ling (while he was standing there, flabbergasted) and skipped away.

This was not ok.

Cut back to the present firewood situation that Ling could barely stand.

Pointedly, Ling thought to Greed: _Don’t get too excited over the completely arbitrary and unnecessary rating system he’s using._

Greed clicked his tongue. _Hm, yeah. That is was a LOSER would say._

Ling fumed, but he didn’t get a chance to get another word in before Greed was casually stealing back the body. It was just the case that suddenly, he was jogging slightly to catch up to Edward.

Ed noticed this with some mirth. Greed got up real close, drinking in the amused expression and he winked.

He said: “You know what my favourite part of this whole forest is?”

“What?” Ed replied, somewhat reserved.

With that, Greed slid in and simply said, “You.”

Ed’s eyes popped open. Evidentially his head was somewhere else and surprise spread across his face. Quickly, however, that contorted into horror. He groaned. “That is the worst thing that I’ve heard all day, what the hell?”

To which Greed shrugged. There was a far away smile on his face.  

The person the most upset about this situation, however, was easily Ling. He burgeoned out of the back of his head and practically kicked Greed on his ass to seize control. The first thing he did was grab Ed’s arm and shout.

“Don’t you listen to that imposter! That was _my line._ He stole it!”

Ed looked back at him with bright amusement. “Alright, so your line is the shitty one. I guess that means point to Greed.”

Ling’s jaw fell loose. “Naaooh! Don’t do that?!”

“And why shouldn’t I?” Ed taunted back.

“Because… because no?” Ling tried.

Ed paused for a moment. Then, nodding contemplatively, he said: “Hm, ok. Sounds legit.”

Ling breathed out. The amount of power that Ed had was extraordinary. Truly, a monster had been created. He had fostered a dependency that was unprecedented in a web that was at the same time enrapturing and infuriating. Ling wanted out, but at the same time he didn’t want to go anywhere. He never wanted things to change.

Ling looked at Edward, standing there with pride. Ed considered his fate, seeing as though it was in the palm of his hand for whatever reason. (Although any other way, Ling would have just given it to him).

Finally, he said. “We can excuse that round. I think its time for a timeout anyway.” There was a conspiratorial glint in his voice.

Ling raised his eyebrow at that. Ed was putting down the firewood. (The firewood that was likely never going to make it back to camp at this rate). He looked to the left, then to the right, then grabbed Ling by the lapels.

He was pulled in close. Ed paused at that position. Ling didn’t need to be faking his somewhat haggard breath at that moment. He gravitated closer.

A soft press of lips. This is what Ed did. There was nothing special about it apart from the ardent simplicity of the movement and the sweeping feeling of closeness it brought on.

Ling melted into it.

\---

It was likely the case that Edward was a bit of a megalomaniac when it came to power. Given that neither Ling nor Greed really cared, if not to the point of being active accomplices in his rein of terror—that left all of the protest to go to Darius and Heinkel.

Ed was sitting on the log in the middle of camp, looking quite pleased with himself after pawning off all of his chores to the homunculus – only to be accosted by the same chimeras. Loudly, Greed supposed they got it in their head that it was time to instill some good values into Ed, namely by telling him to get off his ass.

Although they made the critical error in the first place by starting with “Since you’re so young and all,” which Ed immediately construed as ‘short’ and started yelling instead of listening to any of the sensible advice. Suffice to say the passing on of knowledge was not working.

Greed was sort of watching this conspire at the edge of camp, but mainly not.

Ling poked him in their head. _Hey Greed, I’ve got a question for you._

Already, Greed knew that this was not starting well. _Animal, vegetable, or mineral?_ Greed coolly replied.

_Feelings._

Bile rose in the base of Greed’s throat. He was half ready to slap a bitch, but he held it back. Possibly to his own detriment. _And what the fuck about them?_ He groused.

_Their connection to existential distinctiveness. I was thinking earlier about what it’s like to get tangled up in them and lose your own being._

That gave Greed pause. He reflected for a moment: was this his life now? He felt a hard dissociation come on but caught himself. His willpower to do so was feeling drained though.

 _You, for instance,_ Ling continued. _I mean it seems easy to come to the above hypothesis, like you’re losing yourself, slipping away._

Greed narrowed his eyes. Here it fucking came.

Ling put the back of his hand to his head: _Like, it’s so hard to keep control. It’s like things are getting darker, colder, more distant. You feel yourself slipping away. It’s like you’re lying on an impossibly steep incline with traction just barely holding you from the yawning abyss below. You can’t hold on, you’re slipping, you’re colder, you’re losing yourself to the gravity of the terror at the base of your chest…_

Greed just gave him a weary look in return.

_It just—it must be that. That must be the feeling of becoming indistinct because it couldn’t be the case that Edward Elric just looks damn good on his back!_

_Oh fuck off!_ Greed finally growled in return.

With that, Ling dissolved into peals of laughter in the back of their head. The feeling of being affronted, of being under attack at all times was now all too familiar to Greed. It hung in his head like a weight.

So of course, that was a good time for another front of battle to approach. Ed finally appeared to get tired of being ‘educated’ by Darius and Heinkel and was stomping over to Greed. What helped Greed’s mood somewhat was that he looked about equally roasted.

“I’ve got another thing I want you to do,” Ed said to him.

Creakily, Greed replied. “Hmm?”

“You need to kill the chimeras.” Ed said levelly.

“Consider it done.” Greed said, after about .0005 seconds of processing. “They’re dead to me already.” Then he drooped. He suddenly felt kind of floppy, and probably while under-thinking it a touch, he bent down and rested his head on Ed’s shoulder.

Ed looked confused for a moment. “What are you doing?”

“M’just resting my head,” Greed mumbled into his shoulder.

Ed didn’t quite know how to process that for a moment. “Ok… uh, is something wrong?”

Greed considered just grunting in response. But then, what the hell, he said: “Ling just strongly implied that I don’t know how to read my own damn feelings.”

Realistically, it wasn’t as though there was much Ed could do about the situation, but whatever? For some reason it felt better to say it anyway. Additionally, it made Greed feel slightly better that Ed didn’t quite know what to do about it either, but he did pet Greed’s head a little bit.

“Uh, he did?”

Greed nodded into Ed. Then he may have leaned into the situation a touch and used it as an excuse to wrap his arms around Ed.

Hesitantly, Ed continued petting Greed’s head. He sounded somehow even more hopeless when he asked. “Do… do you want to talk about it?”

Greed tightened his grip. He considered it for a moment.

Ed had definitely begun to sweat underneath him.

Then Greed considered it a bit more.

…

“Yeeaah, no. Lets not?” Greed finally said.

In a rush of air, Ed said, “Ohthankgod.”

With that, Greed was witness to the tension melting from Ed in real time. If asked, the minute shrinking in space was why his hug tightened.

Greed cracked a weak smile. “That was almost really weird.”

Ed laughed back. “You’re telling me. We don’t need to do that, right?”

Greed lifted his head up. He got a good look of Ed’s face – he looked a touch shook, but mostly just happy. Greed felt self-conscious for a second as he realized that Ed was giving him the same searching expression back.

Then his lips were moving. “You guys are useless.”

Ed’s eyes popped open in surprise. Then amusement. Greed clapped his hand over his mouth with a curse.

He pointedly reconsidered his current Ling policy. But before he could dump more resources into suppression, his mouth continued moving anyway.

“But I have to say: Ed, even though you’re emotionally incompetent, you’re still about ten times better than the homunculus here.”

With that, Ling shrank away once more, fleeing the fire and brimstone that erupted on both sides of his mind. As Ed was immediately up in arms, and matched by Greed surging up to reclaim the body with a passion. 

They met in the middle, staring pointedly at the absence of Ling.

Greed crookedly smiled. “Now you know how I feel when he’s being a slippery son-of-a-bitch.”

Ed considered this for a second. Then he said: “Hm, well I guess I’ll have to draw him out then.”

Greed’s eyes darkened. He tisked. “How uncreative of you. What if you just get me instead?”

“I know.” Ed said. Then as Greed watched with confusion, he started rifling through his coat pockets. “I don’t think I mentioned this, but I managed to save some extra rabbit for a snack this evening.”

That effectively diced Greed’s interest, and he didn’t try to hide the slump in his back. Ling on the other hand… Ed saw the transition before Greed was fully aware of it, and suddenly he leapt over him and got Ling into a headlock.

“GAAH,” Ling screeched, which was concurrently in tune with Ed's: “WHO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING EMOTIONALLY INCOMPETANT?” as he went to town on Ling’s head. He messed up his hair something fierce, and Ling laughed until he was crying.

For possibly the first time in his life, Greed didn’t care about his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap!
> 
>  ~~At this point, I've got a vague idea of what the sequel is going to look like.~~ An edit... this sequel is definitely happening. So stay tuned for "Things I Can't Have." Featuring: random displays of affection, slightly more loyal camaraderie, being a bitch, and the sour taste of betrayal. Not necessarily in that order. 
> 
> Also in the future: "Roy Mustang's Fabulous Time Wasting Extravaganza" in which I take a crack at quantifying how little work gets done at Team Mustang HQ. There's also a dinner date.
> 
> As always, don't be shy below. I appreciate you all reading!


End file.
